Saturday, February 05, 2005
Own or On Loan?
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I may die before the surprises of parenthood end. I have heard that children change your life forever. I didn't quite realize it meant that they change you when they are born and they keep changing and challenging you everyday for the rest of your life! (I have only been at this business for 3 years, so let me know if I am wrong.) I love Jesus' "Sermon on the Mount", when he says "You have heard it said, 'Do not commit adultery' but I tell you anyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." I think He said to me recently "You have heard it said, 'Your children are not your own, they are the Lord's,' but I tell you 'I mean it!'" I have found matching my life to my knowledge much more difficult than I ever imagined. Let me explain.
My 2.5 year old, Elise, serves as a mirror for me far too often. Walking through the store, any store, pick a store, she will pick up something and start to carry it around.
"Elise," I say, "We will have to put that 'nite-nite' when we leave the store, ok?"
"Ok mommy!"
I will remind her several times as we shop. I will prepare her, "Elise, we are going to put that nite-nite when we get to the cashier, ok?"
"Ok mommy!"
"Ok Elise, put the lizard nite-nite now." (She loves lizards.)
"NO!!! NO!!" Cry. Cry. Big Tantrum.
during my first pregnancy, as I prayed and day-dreamed about my coming baby, I thought about how this child was the Lord's child. I was a steward of this precious life for Him. I knew someday I would have to put her "nite-nite" and let her go. I theoretically knew she couldn't be a stuffed animal that stayed the same and cuddled with me forever. Then Elise came and her little button nose and tiny parts swept me off my feet and I cried "Mine! Thank you God! She is beautiful and she is mine and I am never letting her go!" How easily we selfish people claim dominion over the gracious gifts of God. "My house, my money, my car, my clothes, I, me, my, mine! MY children!" How much pride and possessiveness concerning children easily, nearly automatically, comes out in a mother! (Maybe its just me, write a comment and let me know!)
So as my children and I begin to grow, I mostly have been possessive of my girls. "My girls!" I was just so shocked by how much I loved them, so afraid of how it will hurt to ever loose them or watch them hurt, I didn't know how to combine "theory" with the overwhelming reality of what I felt. What a difficult thing for a mother's heart to understand and do. In a wonderful sense they are indeed mine. They are my daughters, I have been given them in some way, yet in a way that is fragile. A way that our self-centeredness quickly begins to misuse. My own mother once shared with me an illustration I have never since forgotten. If you are given a fragile baby bird to hold in your hand, you cannot grasp it with a fist or it will die. It must be held with an open hand, free to fly when the time comes to stretch its wings.
So my children are on loan. Not only are they each their own person (Heaven knows how you and I feel when our mothers act possessive of us!), they are first the Lord's, created by God for His good and perfect purposes.
My 2.5 year old, Elise, serves as a mirror for me far too often. Walking through the store, any store, pick a store, she will pick up something and start to carry it around.
"Elise," I say, "We will have to put that 'nite-nite' when we leave the store, ok?"
"Ok mommy!"
I will remind her several times as we shop. I will prepare her, "Elise, we are going to put that nite-nite when we get to the cashier, ok?"
"Ok mommy!"
"Ok Elise, put the lizard nite-nite now." (She loves lizards.)
"NO!!! NO!!" Cry. Cry. Big Tantrum.
during my first pregnancy, as I prayed and day-dreamed about my coming baby, I thought about how this child was the Lord's child. I was a steward of this precious life for Him. I knew someday I would have to put her "nite-nite" and let her go. I theoretically knew she couldn't be a stuffed animal that stayed the same and cuddled with me forever. Then Elise came and her little button nose and tiny parts swept me off my feet and I cried "Mine! Thank you God! She is beautiful and she is mine and I am never letting her go!" How easily we selfish people claim dominion over the gracious gifts of God. "My house, my money, my car, my clothes, I, me, my, mine! MY children!" How much pride and possessiveness concerning children easily, nearly automatically, comes out in a mother! (Maybe its just me, write a comment and let me know!)
So as my children and I begin to grow, I mostly have been possessive of my girls. "My girls!" I was just so shocked by how much I loved them, so afraid of how it will hurt to ever loose them or watch them hurt, I didn't know how to combine "theory" with the overwhelming reality of what I felt. What a difficult thing for a mother's heart to understand and do. In a wonderful sense they are indeed mine. They are my daughters, I have been given them in some way, yet in a way that is fragile. A way that our self-centeredness quickly begins to misuse. My own mother once shared with me an illustration I have never since forgotten. If you are given a fragile baby bird to hold in your hand, you cannot grasp it with a fist or it will die. It must be held with an open hand, free to fly when the time comes to stretch its wings.
So my children are on loan. Not only are they each their own person (Heaven knows how you and I feel when our mothers act possessive of us!), they are first the Lord's, created by God for His good and perfect purposes.
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