Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Sports, Parenting and The Gospel; Part 2
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When we left our riveting discussion of sports and parenting, we last pictured a real life episode of parental indecision, self-doubt and hesitation under pressure. Anyone else out there ever find themselves caught in a hopeless spiral downward into pitiful parenting when doubt and hesitation causes frustration which causes more internal angst and confusion, resulting in worse parental behavior? Maybe its just me. Alas, the life of a recovering perfectionist legalistic modernist.
However, praise God, this is where the final member of our topical trinity comes in: The Gospel! The demands of the law, the pressure of God's standard for parenting drives me to despair, because if I have my eyes even half "open at least on one side" (Dr. Seuss) I can clearly see how I minute by minute fall short of it. I can't do what Jesus would do! Damn me! And that is when the fullness of the Gospel, the glorious revelation and work of Christ comes sweetly in to save a wretch like me. I can't do it, He came to do it for me. He fulfilled the requirement of the law for me, that He might be my righteousness.
That is Good News not just for once upon a time when I said the sinners prayer but also for today, tomorrow and until the day I die. (That is my current favorite expression for those of you who read it on Rock Cries Out as well!) I don't outgrow the Gospel as a Christian, ever. I live by the cross, His new mercies every morning come to me by the accomplishment of Christ once for all upon the cross. That is why the cross is joyful to the Christian. At its foot we find not foremostly a principle to follow but a shower of grace, of undeserved mercy and newness of life fresh from the cross for today.
How does the Gospel then directly relate to parenting, much less to sports and flow? The Gospel shows us that when we hesitate and self-doubt, we are asking the wrong questions and looking to the wrong ends. Paul wrote in Galatians to walk by the spirit and you will not carry out the deeds of the flesh. What is walking by the Spirit? Having a mind focused on faith, on the work and grace of Christ, filled with gratefulness and love and patience (fruit of the Spirit). We focus on the Spirit and His character and our actions will follow accordingly. We are freed from self consciousness so that we can "flow" with the Spirit, so to speak! The Gospel frees me from having to fret over the externals and behaviors. I am free from the law, free to focus on the Spirit, trusting the events and results to a totally sovereign God who has chosen to lavishly cover me and my child with extraordinary grace.
Back to the grocery store episode. Child throws ridiculous tantrum over wanting third doughnut. Because of the Gospel I don't have to think about or ask myself, "What is the right thing to do? What would Jesus do? What is the correct action x to get y result?" Instead I pray and ask for patience, love, gratefulness for my child. I think about loving my child even though at the moment she seems unlovable. In this mind set of faith, hope and love, whatever happens, happens.
Perhaps reflecting back on sports again will make it more clear. I am going to have to switch from basketball to horse jumping because I do not know the former well at all from a participant's standpoint. A rider performing at his best does not consciously think "Should I turn wide or narrow to the jump? How many strides is it to the next jump? My horse is being ornery, should I spur him or chip on the reins?" Those skills are learned in practice, before the event. When you are in the ring, on course, if you don't know how many strides it is to the fence you better just find a rhythm and wing it! The second you wonder how far it is to the jump is the second you subconsciously pull back on the reins and take your horse of his rhythm so that he can't guage the distance. More important than knowing exactly what to do is having your focus and patience so that you can respond immediately and intuitively to the course and the horse as you go.
Like wise as parents there is a time for training. We should certainly learn, read books, seek wisdom from experienced parents and consider helpful techniques and behaviors, but the moment of execution is not the moment to deliberate. More important than knowing exactly what to do is having your focus on the love and grace of Christ so that you can respond immediately and intuitively with motherly patience and love to your child and her reactions as you go.
Do you ever see the simple, sweet example of this with first time mothers and their newborns? The mother is so nervous and paranoid and concerned about doing everything perfect that she seems to make the baby fussy and nervous? Despite having read 5 books on newborns and prior to birth being certain on how to handle sleep problems and fussing? My mother-in-law was wonderful in helping me overcome this. She and all the wonderful women in her family are so in love with babies that the sweet infants just melt with peace in their arms. My babies could cry for an hour and I know she would just rock them sweetly, totally unfazed, full of patient love. She taught me to get over the rules of the schedule, the rules of attatchment parenting and the fear of crying so that I could just enjoy and soak up every sleep deprived moment. And my children slept better because of it!
The little life of a baby is a total miracle. It definitely was not my doing that gave my child life and it will not be my doing if she is raised well. It was a miracle that my baby was born and it will be a miracle if she turns out! My critical focus in the game is not self-consciously on what I am doing as a mother, but on the One who is so loving and gracious and compassionate and extraordinary and who accomplishes all things. When I remember how He has overcome innumerable mistakes and sins in my own life, I am filled with hope, faith and love for my child and what, according to His enduring character, I know He will do in my sweet child's life. Keep your eye on the ball, right?!
My main point in all this rambling, in case it has been muddled, is that the Gospel of grace frees us from hesitation and confusion. We are free to love our children as we best know how. His grace covers us and our feeble attempts to parent. If we have allowed our hope, joy, faith, and love to be robbed by fretting over the "to do's" and "do not's" of parenting then we have lost the "flow"! We have forgotten the glorious truth of the Gospel that is our life.
However, praise God, this is where the final member of our topical trinity comes in: The Gospel! The demands of the law, the pressure of God's standard for parenting drives me to despair, because if I have my eyes even half "open at least on one side" (Dr. Seuss) I can clearly see how I minute by minute fall short of it. I can't do what Jesus would do! Damn me! And that is when the fullness of the Gospel, the glorious revelation and work of Christ comes sweetly in to save a wretch like me. I can't do it, He came to do it for me. He fulfilled the requirement of the law for me, that He might be my righteousness.
That is Good News not just for once upon a time when I said the sinners prayer but also for today, tomorrow and until the day I die. (That is my current favorite expression for those of you who read it on Rock Cries Out as well!) I don't outgrow the Gospel as a Christian, ever. I live by the cross, His new mercies every morning come to me by the accomplishment of Christ once for all upon the cross. That is why the cross is joyful to the Christian. At its foot we find not foremostly a principle to follow but a shower of grace, of undeserved mercy and newness of life fresh from the cross for today.
How does the Gospel then directly relate to parenting, much less to sports and flow? The Gospel shows us that when we hesitate and self-doubt, we are asking the wrong questions and looking to the wrong ends. Paul wrote in Galatians to walk by the spirit and you will not carry out the deeds of the flesh. What is walking by the Spirit? Having a mind focused on faith, on the work and grace of Christ, filled with gratefulness and love and patience (fruit of the Spirit). We focus on the Spirit and His character and our actions will follow accordingly. We are freed from self consciousness so that we can "flow" with the Spirit, so to speak! The Gospel frees me from having to fret over the externals and behaviors. I am free from the law, free to focus on the Spirit, trusting the events and results to a totally sovereign God who has chosen to lavishly cover me and my child with extraordinary grace.
Back to the grocery store episode. Child throws ridiculous tantrum over wanting third doughnut. Because of the Gospel I don't have to think about or ask myself, "What is the right thing to do? What would Jesus do? What is the correct action x to get y result?" Instead I pray and ask for patience, love, gratefulness for my child. I think about loving my child even though at the moment she seems unlovable. In this mind set of faith, hope and love, whatever happens, happens.
Perhaps reflecting back on sports again will make it more clear. I am going to have to switch from basketball to horse jumping because I do not know the former well at all from a participant's standpoint. A rider performing at his best does not consciously think "Should I turn wide or narrow to the jump? How many strides is it to the next jump? My horse is being ornery, should I spur him or chip on the reins?" Those skills are learned in practice, before the event. When you are in the ring, on course, if you don't know how many strides it is to the fence you better just find a rhythm and wing it! The second you wonder how far it is to the jump is the second you subconsciously pull back on the reins and take your horse of his rhythm so that he can't guage the distance. More important than knowing exactly what to do is having your focus and patience so that you can respond immediately and intuitively to the course and the horse as you go.
Like wise as parents there is a time for training. We should certainly learn, read books, seek wisdom from experienced parents and consider helpful techniques and behaviors, but the moment of execution is not the moment to deliberate. More important than knowing exactly what to do is having your focus on the love and grace of Christ so that you can respond immediately and intuitively with motherly patience and love to your child and her reactions as you go.
Do you ever see the simple, sweet example of this with first time mothers and their newborns? The mother is so nervous and paranoid and concerned about doing everything perfect that she seems to make the baby fussy and nervous? Despite having read 5 books on newborns and prior to birth being certain on how to handle sleep problems and fussing? My mother-in-law was wonderful in helping me overcome this. She and all the wonderful women in her family are so in love with babies that the sweet infants just melt with peace in their arms. My babies could cry for an hour and I know she would just rock them sweetly, totally unfazed, full of patient love. She taught me to get over the rules of the schedule, the rules of attatchment parenting and the fear of crying so that I could just enjoy and soak up every sleep deprived moment. And my children slept better because of it!
The little life of a baby is a total miracle. It definitely was not my doing that gave my child life and it will not be my doing if she is raised well. It was a miracle that my baby was born and it will be a miracle if she turns out! My critical focus in the game is not self-consciously on what I am doing as a mother, but on the One who is so loving and gracious and compassionate and extraordinary and who accomplishes all things. When I remember how He has overcome innumerable mistakes and sins in my own life, I am filled with hope, faith and love for my child and what, according to His enduring character, I know He will do in my sweet child's life. Keep your eye on the ball, right?!
My main point in all this rambling, in case it has been muddled, is that the Gospel of grace frees us from hesitation and confusion. We are free to love our children as we best know how. His grace covers us and our feeble attempts to parent. If we have allowed our hope, joy, faith, and love to be robbed by fretting over the "to do's" and "do not's" of parenting then we have lost the "flow"! We have forgotten the glorious truth of the Gospel that is our life.
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