Friday, August 26, 2005
Moved
Visit me at my new website - anniecrawford.com
My new site us up and running - all the posts and most of the comments transferred successfully. Please change your links - sorry for the inconvenience!!!
anniecrawford.com
anniecrawford.com
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Moving . . .
Visit me at my new website - anniecrawford.com
My husband has set up a new blog for me on my own website, anniecrawford.com, which I will be moving to shortly. I will still post here another day or two, and when the blog is moved over to the new site, I will post a notice and link here.
Children in Nature
Visit me at my new website - anniecrawford.com
Al Mohler summarized a book addressing our children's growing disconnect with nature. Obvious points to me, but a good reminder or wake up to those who had not yet thought to be concerned that our children watch more TV than than they breathe fresh air.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Readers may want to skip this . . .
Visit me at my new website - anniecrawford.com
I have had so many ideas and plans for posts, yet so little heart to give them form. My sister is again on the streets, talking foolish nonsense about going undercover for the cops, or becoming a drug dealer or maybe a prostitute. A few days after being evicted for doing Meth, today she showed up again, became abusive and had to be forcibly removed from the safe/sober house we had helped her get into. As deeply as I grieve, I know my parents are truly suffering right now. I have written more about our family drama previously, if you are wondering about the whole story. Search the archives for melancholy titles. Tonight, sadness consumes me. I know that I am being changed, the hard, worthless stone of my heart is being transformed into blood-full flesh, able to bleed for the lost, wounded and hurting. For this I am truly and sincerely thankful. I can understand how pain produces truly beautiful fruit, yet I plead that it might not be purchased by the destruction of those I love.
I took to imagining worse scenario that would be more painful and grievous, in order to help the burden feel lighter. I also want to imagine how others in the world are hurting and how, if they might cross my path, how I might minister to them and encourage them. I have found that those who have not hurt deeply often have no idea how to be a comfort. In fact, I remember feeling very awkward at my grandfather's funeral for I had no idea what to do with my mother's deep pain and grief. That experience taught me humility at least, and now I am learning to be brave and reach out with tender touch, to soften and weep with those who weep and most importantly, how to labor through prayer.
I apologize for the weight of this post, but it is my blog and I needed the therapy tonight. My sweet husband asked if I needed to talk and I didn't. I needed to write. There is a definite difference, for in writing I can work through my thoughts alone, backspacing as necessary. You truly can't take something back in conversation. Sometimes my thoughts and heart are messy enough that they need a medium capable of editing!
How the sermon topics at church have coordinated with events in this family drama has been amazing, miraculous and providential. This week the main pastor spoke on keeping our eyes on heaven, on the goal; that all things shall be one day reconciled, that our hope is in heaven, and we must look at the path before us with the horizon of paradise in view. We must live through our circumstances always with the marriage supper of the lamb in mind, always straining to hear the day when our Lord embraces us and whispers, "Well done, faithful servant." I leave out good, because I am acutely aware of my own un-goodness. It is only under the pressure of this hurt that I really reach out in love. Perhaps by the time I get there, He will have purified this dross and truly conformed me to His image, having made me "good".
I asked my pastor how I was to hope in the promises of heaven in a circumstance where the greatest reason I hurt is a fear that one I love won't be there. How do I hope in the reconciliation of heaven when not all will be there to be reconciled. The pastor reminded me of the verse that had already been haunting my thoughts, "unless you hate mother and father, sister and brother, you cannot be my disciple". How we see through a mirror darkly! How I know that the sufferings of the present are not worthy to be compared to the glory to be revealed! How I know that all our wickedness rightly falls upon our own head! I marvel not that my sister is lost. I marvel that I am found. Why me and not her? There seem to be some things that cannot be completely, perfectly understood. But I have lived through such experiences of incomprehension turned into understanding and peace. I had no ideal the love of being a parent. I could not fathom having my heart so open to another creature, and yet now it is and I am thankful and I could not imagine it or wish it to be any other way.
This is the walk of faith; some things cannot be known until the story is over. I asked myself if my grief could cause me to 'lose faith'. Most honestly, I cannot imagine so. What else do I believe? I have already in my short life searched high and low and found none like the Lord. No other philosophy or faith offers any better answers to the questions my pain yields. Further, every step of faith I have taken has brought me greater freedom and peace. The degree to which I have trusted this Jesus is the degree to which I have found healing. I was lost and am found. Where else can I go, I have as Peter found the words of eternal life. Perhaps I will too deny the Lord thrice before the dawn breaks, but I know that he holds me and will not let me go. I only wish I knew that He held my sister.
I have decided that Armenianism thrives because it is easier and more 'human'. If I think that salvation depends ultimately upon human will, then I have hope that I can control that human will, that I can work hard enough to persuade it. Is this not the hope of most evangelism classes and strategies? Or, if my efforts to persuade the will don't work, then I can righteously judge that will, "Well, she choose this path for herself." However, if I affirm election and the salvific hand of grace, then I must, as "Jacob-have-I-loved" did, wrestle with God himself.
I took to imagining worse scenario that would be more painful and grievous, in order to help the burden feel lighter. I also want to imagine how others in the world are hurting and how, if they might cross my path, how I might minister to them and encourage them. I have found that those who have not hurt deeply often have no idea how to be a comfort. In fact, I remember feeling very awkward at my grandfather's funeral for I had no idea what to do with my mother's deep pain and grief. That experience taught me humility at least, and now I am learning to be brave and reach out with tender touch, to soften and weep with those who weep and most importantly, how to labor through prayer.
I apologize for the weight of this post, but it is my blog and I needed the therapy tonight. My sweet husband asked if I needed to talk and I didn't. I needed to write. There is a definite difference, for in writing I can work through my thoughts alone, backspacing as necessary. You truly can't take something back in conversation. Sometimes my thoughts and heart are messy enough that they need a medium capable of editing!
How the sermon topics at church have coordinated with events in this family drama has been amazing, miraculous and providential. This week the main pastor spoke on keeping our eyes on heaven, on the goal; that all things shall be one day reconciled, that our hope is in heaven, and we must look at the path before us with the horizon of paradise in view. We must live through our circumstances always with the marriage supper of the lamb in mind, always straining to hear the day when our Lord embraces us and whispers, "Well done, faithful servant." I leave out good, because I am acutely aware of my own un-goodness. It is only under the pressure of this hurt that I really reach out in love. Perhaps by the time I get there, He will have purified this dross and truly conformed me to His image, having made me "good".
I asked my pastor how I was to hope in the promises of heaven in a circumstance where the greatest reason I hurt is a fear that one I love won't be there. How do I hope in the reconciliation of heaven when not all will be there to be reconciled. The pastor reminded me of the verse that had already been haunting my thoughts, "unless you hate mother and father, sister and brother, you cannot be my disciple". How we see through a mirror darkly! How I know that the sufferings of the present are not worthy to be compared to the glory to be revealed! How I know that all our wickedness rightly falls upon our own head! I marvel not that my sister is lost. I marvel that I am found. Why me and not her? There seem to be some things that cannot be completely, perfectly understood. But I have lived through such experiences of incomprehension turned into understanding and peace. I had no ideal the love of being a parent. I could not fathom having my heart so open to another creature, and yet now it is and I am thankful and I could not imagine it or wish it to be any other way.
This is the walk of faith; some things cannot be known until the story is over. I asked myself if my grief could cause me to 'lose faith'. Most honestly, I cannot imagine so. What else do I believe? I have already in my short life searched high and low and found none like the Lord. No other philosophy or faith offers any better answers to the questions my pain yields. Further, every step of faith I have taken has brought me greater freedom and peace. The degree to which I have trusted this Jesus is the degree to which I have found healing. I was lost and am found. Where else can I go, I have as Peter found the words of eternal life. Perhaps I will too deny the Lord thrice before the dawn breaks, but I know that he holds me and will not let me go. I only wish I knew that He held my sister.
I have decided that Armenianism thrives because it is easier and more 'human'. If I think that salvation depends ultimately upon human will, then I have hope that I can control that human will, that I can work hard enough to persuade it. Is this not the hope of most evangelism classes and strategies? Or, if my efforts to persuade the will don't work, then I can righteously judge that will, "Well, she choose this path for herself." However, if I affirm election and the salvific hand of grace, then I must, as "Jacob-have-I-loved" did, wrestle with God himself.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Soul Survivor
Visit me at my new website - anniecrawford.com
I began reading Philip Yancey's Soul Survivor with a bit of reluctance. I feared its pages would flow with grievances over church abuses, which to be sure are many and need to be discussed. However, I have found in the albeit imperfect church, a home that I dearly love. With the other struggles and grief's I have to bear right now, I had no patience for enduring 300 pages of wrestling with all the bad things the church has done. My mother gave this book to me and I nearly left it in Oregon, not thinking I would want to read it. A quote on the back cover seemed to confirm my suspicion, praising "This book [as] a godsend for people who are religious but not churchmen, and for those who like spiritual companionship along the way of their journey." If this book promotes the idea that we can be Christians disconnected from the body, then I really wasn't in the mood to devote my precious little reading time to it. However, the gentlemen at the BHT encouraged me to persevere, and I have been glad I did.
Yancey did spend the introduction describing the destructive and abusive church of his youth, but only as background to a book that basically presents 13 short biographies of Christians who deeply influenced Yancey. Yancey writes, "If I had to define my own theme, it would be that of a person who absorbed some of the worst the church has to offer, yet still landed in the loving arms of God." Indeed, his childhood church was terrible, and once my guards lowered a bit, I knew that I too had assuredly seen much terrible behavior from "the church". I still maintain a healthy, strong skepticism toward the church as an institution, though I am passionate about it as the body of Christ and the home of believers. Who isn't aware of, often irritated by and even outraged at their own family's 'dysfunction' and sin, yet most of us, hopefully, still love our families, stay with them, serve them and defend them.
The thirteen biographies provide an introduction and/or reminder of "strong Christian witnesses"; An eclectic gathering of authors, leaders and servants whose lives and works point us toward the Christ, including Martin Luther King, Chesterton, Henri Nouwen, Annie Dillard Gandhi, Dr. C Everett Koop and John Donne. It is worth reading and passing along to others, both for its own potency, as well as to inspire further exploration of the redeemed individuals he writes about. My favorite aspect of Yancey's writing is that he is both accessible to a wide audience, yet without becoming shallow or trite. He draws in the average American reader, and then as all good teachers do, expands your world and pushes you to think, feel and live more deeply.
Yancey did spend the introduction describing the destructive and abusive church of his youth, but only as background to a book that basically presents 13 short biographies of Christians who deeply influenced Yancey. Yancey writes, "If I had to define my own theme, it would be that of a person who absorbed some of the worst the church has to offer, yet still landed in the loving arms of God." Indeed, his childhood church was terrible, and once my guards lowered a bit, I knew that I too had assuredly seen much terrible behavior from "the church". I still maintain a healthy, strong skepticism toward the church as an institution, though I am passionate about it as the body of Christ and the home of believers. Who isn't aware of, often irritated by and even outraged at their own family's 'dysfunction' and sin, yet most of us, hopefully, still love our families, stay with them, serve them and defend them.
The thirteen biographies provide an introduction and/or reminder of "strong Christian witnesses"; An eclectic gathering of authors, leaders and servants whose lives and works point us toward the Christ, including Martin Luther King, Chesterton, Henri Nouwen, Annie Dillard Gandhi, Dr. C Everett Koop and John Donne. It is worth reading and passing along to others, both for its own potency, as well as to inspire further exploration of the redeemed individuals he writes about. My favorite aspect of Yancey's writing is that he is both accessible to a wide audience, yet without becoming shallow or trite. He draws in the average American reader, and then as all good teachers do, expands your world and pushes you to think, feel and live more deeply.
Monday, August 22, 2005
"Autoeroticism"
Visit me at my new website - anniecrawford.com
Bonnie over at "Off The Top" wrote a great post on masturbation. I think it is essential as parents to face this issue head on and thoroughly think and pray through how we will prepare our children for this difficult issue. My own parents awkward silence and implied laize-faire attitude toward sexuality left me largely naive, unequiped to face the incredible strenght of temptation and easy prey to the paradigms flaunted on the cover of Cosmo.
I started a comment to Bonnie's post and realized that it was way to long to burden her blog with, so I will paste it here.
Very interesting. Thanks for being courageous to post it. Thank you for the link to Dobson as well, it helped clarify some of the difficulties of the issue. I think there is a vast difference in how to deal with this issue concerning young boys (or girls) as opposed to mature adults and especially married adults.
I would tend to agree with your points, Bonnie, when considering mature Christian adults. I understand Dobson's points when dealing with young boys. To try and understand, I compare it to my own struggle with eating disorders. Sex is good, food is good. However, there are abuses of these good gifts that certainly have spiritual significance, as well as physical and realtional consequences. Young girls have an especially difficult time with food during the changes in adolescence. If I deal with my daughter by just telling her "Don't, don't don't" I exacerbate and help to further a negative and guilt laden relationship with food. I assume Dobson and others are concerned with this effect in dealing with 'autoeroticism' (Thanks for teaching me a new word!) in an overly legalistic way.
I asked my husband about the issue, and he said that, after age 13 at least, night problems were always connected to thoughts from the previous day. The goal is to pursue purity of mind. A mind passionate for the great things of God is great medicine for fixation upon lesser things. He agrees that the ultimate goal of sexual purity would exclude autoeroticism, yet the journey there is difficult, just as it seems to be for Americans to honor God and their body with what they put in their mouth.
In that light, many of these issues and others that are so problematic to our culture, seem to be uniquely difficulties of an affluent culture. We have the time, liesure, proparity and freedom from physical suffering to develop eating disorders, the priviledge to have diseases of over eating, the idle time and privacy for masses of youth to experiment with "autoeroticism". Rev. 3:17 seems to echo through every reflection I have on American culture.
Dobson certainly clarified that p*rn*graphy is a sinful activity which must certainly be related to unfettered autoeroticism. It would seem a strange line that would separate the two. The latter is ok as long as you don't picture anyone who isn't your spouse? Such wierd moral boundaries usually indicate an error.
Ultimately, I want to pursue purity and self-control in a manner that honors God and cultivates the health and joy He created us to have. I want to train my children to pursue these goals while understanding that the journey is difficult, especially in adolescence.
I started a comment to Bonnie's post and realized that it was way to long to burden her blog with, so I will paste it here.
Very interesting. Thanks for being courageous to post it. Thank you for the link to Dobson as well, it helped clarify some of the difficulties of the issue. I think there is a vast difference in how to deal with this issue concerning young boys (or girls) as opposed to mature adults and especially married adults.
I would tend to agree with your points, Bonnie, when considering mature Christian adults. I understand Dobson's points when dealing with young boys. To try and understand, I compare it to my own struggle with eating disorders. Sex is good, food is good. However, there are abuses of these good gifts that certainly have spiritual significance, as well as physical and realtional consequences. Young girls have an especially difficult time with food during the changes in adolescence. If I deal with my daughter by just telling her "Don't, don't don't" I exacerbate and help to further a negative and guilt laden relationship with food. I assume Dobson and others are concerned with this effect in dealing with 'autoeroticism' (Thanks for teaching me a new word!) in an overly legalistic way.
I asked my husband about the issue, and he said that, after age 13 at least, night problems were always connected to thoughts from the previous day. The goal is to pursue purity of mind. A mind passionate for the great things of God is great medicine for fixation upon lesser things. He agrees that the ultimate goal of sexual purity would exclude autoeroticism, yet the journey there is difficult, just as it seems to be for Americans to honor God and their body with what they put in their mouth.
In that light, many of these issues and others that are so problematic to our culture, seem to be uniquely difficulties of an affluent culture. We have the time, liesure, proparity and freedom from physical suffering to develop eating disorders, the priviledge to have diseases of over eating, the idle time and privacy for masses of youth to experiment with "autoeroticism". Rev. 3:17 seems to echo through every reflection I have on American culture.
Dobson certainly clarified that p*rn*graphy is a sinful activity which must certainly be related to unfettered autoeroticism. It would seem a strange line that would separate the two. The latter is ok as long as you don't picture anyone who isn't your spouse? Such wierd moral boundaries usually indicate an error.
Ultimately, I want to pursue purity and self-control in a manner that honors God and cultivates the health and joy He created us to have. I want to train my children to pursue these goals while understanding that the journey is difficult, especially in adolescence.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Labor Pains
Visit me at my new website - anniecrawford.com
Another night of tormented sleep. Three times my husband found my hand on my forehead with my elbow sticking straight up in the air, an expression of anguish. We have recieved more crushing news from my sister, though I am not totally suprised. Though we had reason to praise last week, I also know daily that this is likely a long, long battle to be fought. I am weary of the fighting right now. I don't really have the heart to writie about it. I am tempted to, in my own mind, "turn her over to her sin" and cut her off from my heart, though I know I never will. I will labor with her in at least prayer, faithful to the one who labored for me with His blood.
Durring this pregnancy, I have struggled with my attitude toward labor and birth. I have had two relatively "easy" natural births, but they still are not fun. I found focus in the first by considering the pains of Christ and sharing in them, even just a little, to understand what He sacrificed to give us life. I also found victory in relying on the Lord for something too difficult for me and seeing His deliverance in moments when I was at the end of my strength to cope. For the second labor, I expected again the deliverance and strength of the Lord, and he provided, though it was a bit more difficult because labor was so fast and intense (3 hours total labor). This time, I know God can sustain me, but it just isn't fun. I never was drawn too much in mountaineering to climb the same mountain twice. Christ went to the cross but once, didn't he? But a woman's labors are many. I say this a bit tougue in cheek. I would never trade 12 labors for the suffering of the cross. I merely describe the attitude difficulty, in my own sin and selfishness, that I am having to battle.
However, two weeks ago while in Oregon and at this moment again, I gladly welcome the physical pain of labor to ease the aching in my heart. I would far rather endure for a short time intense pain that brings forth life as opposed to this drawn out heart suffering of watching someone slowly choose death. I would welcome the consuming contractions to distract me from mourning with hope of seeing a new child, I child that by God's grace I might raise not to live in wickedness in death, but in love and life.
Durring this pregnancy, I have struggled with my attitude toward labor and birth. I have had two relatively "easy" natural births, but they still are not fun. I found focus in the first by considering the pains of Christ and sharing in them, even just a little, to understand what He sacrificed to give us life. I also found victory in relying on the Lord for something too difficult for me and seeing His deliverance in moments when I was at the end of my strength to cope. For the second labor, I expected again the deliverance and strength of the Lord, and he provided, though it was a bit more difficult because labor was so fast and intense (3 hours total labor). This time, I know God can sustain me, but it just isn't fun. I never was drawn too much in mountaineering to climb the same mountain twice. Christ went to the cross but once, didn't he? But a woman's labors are many. I say this a bit tougue in cheek. I would never trade 12 labors for the suffering of the cross. I merely describe the attitude difficulty, in my own sin and selfishness, that I am having to battle.
However, two weeks ago while in Oregon and at this moment again, I gladly welcome the physical pain of labor to ease the aching in my heart. I would far rather endure for a short time intense pain that brings forth life as opposed to this drawn out heart suffering of watching someone slowly choose death. I would welcome the consuming contractions to distract me from mourning with hope of seeing a new child, I child that by God's grace I might raise not to live in wickedness in death, but in love and life.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Our Daily Routine
Visit me at my new website - anniecrawford.com
I really don't want to write what our daily routine has been because it isn't so impressive, but I know it will be good for me to set it down in 'type' so that I have to face how slovenly I have been! Plus, truth be told, I am an organizational nerd and I like making these kinds of lists.
Current Routine:
7am - Elise wakes me up and we stumble downstairs to eat cold cereal - she watches Sesame street and I check my blogs
8am - Hear Tommy shower, make coffee and his lunch, Elise still watching Noggin. ("It's like preschool on TV")
9am - Wake up Audrey, say goodbye to Tommy, feed Audrey, turn off TV and clean kitchen - Elise plays with puzzles. Short walk to mailbox.
10am - If we are going somewhere (play with friends, swimming or shopping) we will get ready and go. IF we are staying home we will start a project, go outside to garden or upstairs to the playroom/project room or clean something. I try to include the girls as much as I can and keep them from fighting with each other. Sometimes we will do a little 15 min. exercise video, either a leg one of mine or a Yoga kids video. It is so cute to see the girls do "squat-kicks"! They enjoy it or I wouldn't do it.
11am - If home, put Audrey down for nap, play "schoolbook" with Elise or a board game or an art project. Sometimes I work on a house project here that I can't do while Audrey is awake, like painting a room.
12pm - Make lunch, start bread if bread day. Check my blogs over my salad. Wake up Audrey and feed her lunch. Clean kitchen
1pm - Do whatever odds and ends I have to do while the girls play within sight, laundry, raise bread, more cleaning.
2pm - Try to play with girls, especially Audrey in a focused way, but I am not really good at it, I get easily distracted!
2:30 - Book time.
3pm - Nap time. Elise goes to bed with a pile of books, usually stays in bed for 1 1/2 hours, but rarely falls a sleep anymore. Sometimes I let her up early and I let her play educational games on the computer. I exercise durring this time - I read the Bible and pray for the first half and read a book of choice the second half (45 min. total).
4pm - Sometimes I take a quick shower and freshen up and sometimes I blog thoughts I had while exercising.
4:30 - Start dinner. I usually make a needed phone call while I prep dinner.
5pm - Tommy home and Audrey wakes up. Elise helps set table and we eat as soon as ready. This can be a bit of a hectic time if I blogged too much.
6pm - clean up kitchen (training Elise to start helping a bit) and bathe girls.
7pm - family play time, then read more books.
8pm - Brush teeth and off to bed. Finish up kitchen if necessary.
8:30 - parent free time
On average, this is really how our days go. I know that once #3 arrives, I am going to have to probably significantly adjust the schedule for a while. As I wrote our little routine it isn't so terrible, other than the very slow and lazy morning. I hate that Elise is watching nearly 2 hours of TV in the morning! I am so much more tired pregnant, I just don't 'feel' like I care at 7:30am. So the project for the week is to delay turning on the computer and try to begin the morning with Elise. I could visit with her while she eats breakfast, and then start her on drawing (we call it "playing pens" :-) or on one of her puzzles or schoolbook. I also want to try to dress her and have her make her bed before 9am! I just don't want to continue the habit of the girls zoning out before the TV while I zone out at the computer.
The second thing I want to change is the lack of interesting activities with the girls. We tend to do the same things; I am not very creative in projects and new games, etc. This is probably my greatest fear in homeschooling, I just get very overwhelmed with options (as I have said before!) and tend to stay safe with a few old reliable activities. By the time I reached high school, I had already developed my phobia of 'projects' and would much, much rather be assigned a paper to write or given a test. Especially a group project where you have to cooperate with imperfect, often lazy people!
I am completely comfortable and confident in the world of ideas, but in the practical, get your hands and house dirty world, I am pretty slow and timid. I have had material for valances sitting in my closet for 2 years, but because sewing is new to me, I haven't yet had the courage to dive in and start the project. The newness of it all and potential messiness overwhelms me. What if I cut the material wrong? What if it becomes a big consuming mess of a project? What if I spend days and they still end up looking stupid? I am just lazy about things that I don't have down pat. It has taken me 4 rooms in my house before I finally feel confident about painting. In addition, I am cheap and a bit of a clean freak, and neither of these traits lend themselves well to creative endeavors!
This resistance towards new projects and activities makes me apprehensive about home schooling, since I consider any good education full of new explorations. I still want to be the student with someone telling ME what to do and providing all the materials in a space I don't have to clean! I think that if I have a good co-op or community helping me get started, we will be alright. At this pre-school stage, I found the activity links on the left sidebar, which help me branch out a bit, and for the most part I cling to the hope that mainly the girls need me to just be with them and be joyful about it. Elise doesn't seem to mind coloring as her only art form . . . we use crayons, pens and sometimes even watercolor paints. Pretty adventurous eh?
Kind exhortation and suggestions are welcome! I want to grow as a mother and overcome my weaknesses.
Current Routine:
7am - Elise wakes me up and we stumble downstairs to eat cold cereal - she watches Sesame street and I check my blogs
8am - Hear Tommy shower, make coffee and his lunch, Elise still watching Noggin. ("It's like preschool on TV")
9am - Wake up Audrey, say goodbye to Tommy, feed Audrey, turn off TV and clean kitchen - Elise plays with puzzles. Short walk to mailbox.
10am - If we are going somewhere (play with friends, swimming or shopping) we will get ready and go. IF we are staying home we will start a project, go outside to garden or upstairs to the playroom/project room or clean something. I try to include the girls as much as I can and keep them from fighting with each other. Sometimes we will do a little 15 min. exercise video, either a leg one of mine or a Yoga kids video. It is so cute to see the girls do "squat-kicks"! They enjoy it or I wouldn't do it.
11am - If home, put Audrey down for nap, play "schoolbook" with Elise or a board game or an art project. Sometimes I work on a house project here that I can't do while Audrey is awake, like painting a room.
12pm - Make lunch, start bread if bread day. Check my blogs over my salad. Wake up Audrey and feed her lunch. Clean kitchen
1pm - Do whatever odds and ends I have to do while the girls play within sight, laundry, raise bread, more cleaning.
2pm - Try to play with girls, especially Audrey in a focused way, but I am not really good at it, I get easily distracted!
2:30 - Book time.
3pm - Nap time. Elise goes to bed with a pile of books, usually stays in bed for 1 1/2 hours, but rarely falls a sleep anymore. Sometimes I let her up early and I let her play educational games on the computer. I exercise durring this time - I read the Bible and pray for the first half and read a book of choice the second half (45 min. total).
4pm - Sometimes I take a quick shower and freshen up and sometimes I blog thoughts I had while exercising.
4:30 - Start dinner. I usually make a needed phone call while I prep dinner.
5pm - Tommy home and Audrey wakes up. Elise helps set table and we eat as soon as ready. This can be a bit of a hectic time if I blogged too much.
6pm - clean up kitchen (training Elise to start helping a bit) and bathe girls.
7pm - family play time, then read more books.
8pm - Brush teeth and off to bed. Finish up kitchen if necessary.
8:30 - parent free time
On average, this is really how our days go. I know that once #3 arrives, I am going to have to probably significantly adjust the schedule for a while. As I wrote our little routine it isn't so terrible, other than the very slow and lazy morning. I hate that Elise is watching nearly 2 hours of TV in the morning! I am so much more tired pregnant, I just don't 'feel' like I care at 7:30am. So the project for the week is to delay turning on the computer and try to begin the morning with Elise. I could visit with her while she eats breakfast, and then start her on drawing (we call it "playing pens" :-) or on one of her puzzles or schoolbook. I also want to try to dress her and have her make her bed before 9am! I just don't want to continue the habit of the girls zoning out before the TV while I zone out at the computer.
The second thing I want to change is the lack of interesting activities with the girls. We tend to do the same things; I am not very creative in projects and new games, etc. This is probably my greatest fear in homeschooling, I just get very overwhelmed with options (as I have said before!) and tend to stay safe with a few old reliable activities. By the time I reached high school, I had already developed my phobia of 'projects' and would much, much rather be assigned a paper to write or given a test. Especially a group project where you have to cooperate with imperfect, often lazy people!
I am completely comfortable and confident in the world of ideas, but in the practical, get your hands and house dirty world, I am pretty slow and timid. I have had material for valances sitting in my closet for 2 years, but because sewing is new to me, I haven't yet had the courage to dive in and start the project. The newness of it all and potential messiness overwhelms me. What if I cut the material wrong? What if it becomes a big consuming mess of a project? What if I spend days and they still end up looking stupid? I am just lazy about things that I don't have down pat. It has taken me 4 rooms in my house before I finally feel confident about painting. In addition, I am cheap and a bit of a clean freak, and neither of these traits lend themselves well to creative endeavors!
This resistance towards new projects and activities makes me apprehensive about home schooling, since I consider any good education full of new explorations. I still want to be the student with someone telling ME what to do and providing all the materials in a space I don't have to clean! I think that if I have a good co-op or community helping me get started, we will be alright. At this pre-school stage, I found the activity links on the left sidebar, which help me branch out a bit, and for the most part I cling to the hope that mainly the girls need me to just be with them and be joyful about it. Elise doesn't seem to mind coloring as her only art form . . . we use crayons, pens and sometimes even watercolor paints. Pretty adventurous eh?
Kind exhortation and suggestions are welcome! I want to grow as a mother and overcome my weaknesses.
Daily Schedule
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In an effort to recover from my post vacation blues (which I beleive is partly from emotional exhaustion from laboring in spirit over my sister) I am going to work (again) on a family daily and weekly schedule. Having thoghtfully designed order to my life helps the days feel as though they have purpose and relation to long-term meaningful goals, instead of a kind of repetative circle that feels like it will go nowhere and never end. I heard a story somewhere, at the moment I cannot remember where, of some men who had set out to row across the Atlantic (now I am adventurous, but that endeavor in no way sounds appealing!). Mid-way across they lost their bearings totally and found themselves lost in an infinite blue. In order to keep sane they divised a routine to give order to the day. They scheduled times to talk about certain topics and perform exercises or certain activities. For example, from 1-2 on one day they would discuss politics and then perhaps schedule personal stories from 2-3. I have also heard that those in prision and confinement create schedules for themselves in order to maintain their sanity.
I have also noticed, with the back to school season, a few posts on daily schedules. I find it extremely helpful to read about the daily routines of homeschooling moms and mothers with more children, so that I can begin to order my home early with the future in view. I want to build up a foundation of habits, expectations and routines that will stick with my children throughout their upbringing. If I am going to expect my children to help with morning chores for example, I don't want to stressed our and irritatingly announce that 7 year old susie must get over here and help me. I don't want to have to make dozens of family meetings about how things are going to have to change around here. If susie will need to have some morning chores, she is going to start at age 2, while she still will think it is a fun game. I am a zealot for habits and order, largely because I didn't have much growing up and the few that I did were foundation stones of strength and sanity that the Lord used to preserve me and prepare me for "real life".
Sherry over at Semicolin shares her daily routine (start here), as does Holly at My Three Pennies Worth where they have asked for homeschooling moms to share their daily schedule, among other back to school topics. I look foreward to reading other "daily's" and will link to the most helpful ones I find later.
I am, alas, but a simple, naive mother of two, so I can get away with chaos when I feel lazy, but with another one on the way, I feel it is time to get in gear and shore up the loose ends. This will mostly mean getting the mornings going before 9 am. We have a very lazy 2 hour gradual wake up around here that really wastes time and teaches Elise a lazy morning cartoon habit. Perhaps later today when I have a few more moments, I will post our current habits as well as how I hope to revise it, for my own sake and to fellowship with any other young mommy out there who reads the routine of a woman with 8 kids and wants to share ideas on how that wisdom translates to life with but a mere 2 preschoolers.
I have also noticed, with the back to school season, a few posts on daily schedules. I find it extremely helpful to read about the daily routines of homeschooling moms and mothers with more children, so that I can begin to order my home early with the future in view. I want to build up a foundation of habits, expectations and routines that will stick with my children throughout their upbringing. If I am going to expect my children to help with morning chores for example, I don't want to stressed our and irritatingly announce that 7 year old susie must get over here and help me. I don't want to have to make dozens of family meetings about how things are going to have to change around here. If susie will need to have some morning chores, she is going to start at age 2, while she still will think it is a fun game. I am a zealot for habits and order, largely because I didn't have much growing up and the few that I did were foundation stones of strength and sanity that the Lord used to preserve me and prepare me for "real life".
Sherry over at Semicolin shares her daily routine (start here), as does Holly at My Three Pennies Worth where they have asked for homeschooling moms to share their daily schedule, among other back to school topics. I look foreward to reading other "daily's" and will link to the most helpful ones I find later.
I am, alas, but a simple, naive mother of two, so I can get away with chaos when I feel lazy, but with another one on the way, I feel it is time to get in gear and shore up the loose ends. This will mostly mean getting the mornings going before 9 am. We have a very lazy 2 hour gradual wake up around here that really wastes time and teaches Elise a lazy morning cartoon habit. Perhaps later today when I have a few more moments, I will post our current habits as well as how I hope to revise it, for my own sake and to fellowship with any other young mommy out there who reads the routine of a woman with 8 kids and wants to share ideas on how that wisdom translates to life with but a mere 2 preschoolers.